Life's Little Surprises

Is it totally strange that I have never felt this... calm... ALL the time... before in my LIFE?!?!?! I really, truly, honestly believe that this realization has been Heavenly Father's way of comforting me in knowing that I am doing what is right-with school, with Trevor, with my LIFE!!! I am SO content with the way things are going right now. My class work is getting done, I'm ahead in classes when I can be ahead, I spend all day long 2-3 times a week JUST on school, and somehow Trevor and I have found ways to be able to video chat and still see each other-something I don't think would have been possible had I still been in classes at Maryville... we would have DIED. Figuratively speaking of course.

Sometimes, I SWEAR I have my life completely figured out. Sometimes, I SWEAR I know what's best for me-I know, and I know only. Sometimes, Heavenly Father has to throw something in my face just to remind me that I am NEVER alone.... EVER.

I'm going to attempt to catch everyone up to speed here... whether you're a new reader, or an old one... in my opinion, this story is pretty darn amazing =D

At the beginning of the year, after a relationship with a non-member ended VERY sourly, I made a pact with myself that I was NOT going to participate in any way, shape, or form in dating. I was damaged goods, and quite frankly, didn't love myself. Things were going south with a girlfriend of mine and realizations were starting to come to my attention that I was no longer spiritually where I had been in the past-my testimony was slipping. Along with my no dating pact, I had also promised myself that I was going to fix myself. I wanted to get off my spiritual plateau and repair my relationship with my Heavenly Father. While I had leaned on Him HEAVILY during the ending of the relationship, I still felt... at fault. That it was my fault that this boy turned his back on the Gospel when I KNEW that he knew it was true. I needed a clear answer for myself that I had done everything I could for that boy. That I was just a stepping stone for him. But looking back, I think I'm realizing now more than ever before, that I needed to feel that Godly sorrow. I needed to feel it for someone ELSE. I have felt that sorrow in my own personal doings and knew when my Father in Heaven was that sad for ME, but I needed to have a better understanding of Heavenly Father's love for ALL of His children. What a profound and important concept I needed to learn.

While all of this drama was going on for me, I made out my life plan which included the following:

*Finish my undergrad degree at Maryville University in Music Therapy with a Psychology Minor by December 2011

*Not date ANYONE until I was finished with school-forcing me to focus on my degree without distractions

*Apply for the Head Guard position at work-included pay raise and more responsibilities

*Get out of my Single's Branch and go back to the Family Ward-long story

*Figure out when I was going to move out to Utah-included finding an internship in Utah I could apply for (had one planned for American Fork or Salt Lake area)

*Move to Utah, finish internship, apply to Utah State's Masters Program in Marriage and Family Relationship Therapy

*Get married?? At some point...

That was basically my life planned out for the next 5 years. Problem... I WASN'T happy. At all. And that surprised and frustrated me. I knew I COULD be happy, but at the time... I didn't know HOW. Even though I had what I thought was my life's plan...there were apparently different plans for me in the works.

Trevor came into my life in June, and with great caution, yet no doubt, I opened my heart one brick at a time to him. We dated throughout the summer and I loved every SINGLE minute of it. When he drove out of my driveway that DREADFUL August morning, I thought I was going to die. I wanted to kick myself for doing it again-for getting in a relationship where the man had to leave me behind... it was a retched feeling. But when I turned around and saw my mom crying... an overwhelming feeling of peace came over me. He was going to come back for me. And I knew it without a doubt.

I'll save all the gushy gushy details until later ;-) but I truly have found my better half. The one who keeps me calm and level headed... even when he's thousands of miles away in Tundra Logan (brrrrr. worried about that one for sure) he still finds a way to bring me comfort and joy :)

CLIFF HANGER!!!!! Until next time ;-)