Of course, I'm again taking a break from my papers and studying time :) but it is much needed... believe me. These finals this week are killing me... as Marvin so lovingly reminds me, "I thought you said you were bored? This semester was easy..." hahahahaha he always reminds me! And he's right! This semester, I was bored!! But these past few weeks it feels like my professors are just cramming cramming cramming everything in at the last possible minute. It doesn't exactly help either when a pointless class you're taking requires a ten minute presentation and 4 page research paper on something involving the body... easy sounding right?? Mmmmmm... Not quite. It's just time consuming I guess and takes me away from studying for classes that I actually care about and apply to my major... but whatever... it will be fine. I love to write and can pretty much fake my way through anything :)
SO!!! You guessed it! I am out of the double digits!! 9 days today!! I've been really proud of myself at how focused I've stayed on school and not let my mind wander about the trip (although it still has... a tad... just a baby tad...) and kept my mind going... but by doing that... I've said it before, but... it's really surreal. I really really REALLY can't believe I'm going back... I'm scared. Honestly. BUT! As I learned today when I was studying a talk by Elder Pearson from this last conference-Faith cannot coexist with Fear. If I'm scared, how can I have the faith that everything WILL work out the way it's meant to? I can't... I have to have that unwavering faith in my Heavenly Father that He knows what is best for me. I just pray with all my heart that I will have the strength to follow through and endure it... however "it" turns out.
With this in mind, I'm really trying to start doing what I should be doing. Meaning, I'm really really trying to keep my thoughts focus more towards the gospel, reading before I go to bed (which is getting better and easier... I'm starting to get that desire back that I had last summer when I WANTED to read :) Welcome back feeling! I've missed you terribly!) and I'm starting to feel like I did 8 months ago. I knew that that's the piece of my life I was missing... but I could never bring myself to actually doing it... it's sad, I know... But at least I'm trying right? Another thing I'm trying is going to the Temple again... I haven't been since August.. Part of that reason is because I'm scared to go and two, I haven't made the time. My last trip (to the Bern, Switzerland Temple) was EXTREMELY powerful and important to me that I'm almost subconsciously scared that I'm going to loose that memory. Again, stupid, I know. But that memory is something that will stay with me forever and going "alone", without him this time... is going to be tough. But I know without a doubt that it's what I need and I need to again, put that fear aside and have faith. 8 months away from the Temple... is much too long. Especially when I KNOW the power and effect it has on me, on my life, and on my stress level. It's my safe haven. The place I should run to first when I am tired by the trials and stresses of the world. I know that. And that's why I'm so excited to go on Friday with the St. Louis Stake and again (hopefully) the following Friday with the YSA's of the St. Gallen Stake back in Switzerland (deep breath). These two trips mean a lot to me and have been on my mind for a long time now... I know that it's time to go... it's long past due. Welcome back feeling :) I've missed you.
Jennifer is coming with me too :) Both of us have wanted to go to the Temple at least once a month and make it out goal, but we just haven't quite made it. So this is our first trip together and our first fulfillment of our goal :) We are both way excited.
Have I mentioned how much I'm going to miss her?!!? GAH! Jennifer... You didn't see it in church today when we talked about it through our notes during Gospel Doctrine (shhhh! ;) ) but... my eyes just completely well-up. What am I going to do without you?!?!?! What am I going to do when you're NOT just a text away?! What am I going to do when something happens and I want to tell you about it, but it's 3:00am back in St. Louis!? WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?! I told her today that I was going to fold her up and fit her in my suitcase (because she could SOOO fit. I'm not kidding). And we both laughed about it. She agreed, and wants to come with me too :D but it just didn't work out. Maybe we'll make a trip together in December if I decide to go back- of course I'll WANT to, but this trip will determine HOW MUCH I'll want to. I really don't know what I'm going to do without my best friend :) There's so much still to be learned from her, and she's going to BYU in the fall (which I'm SO proud of her for!!!) so this is just a teaser to what a whole semester without her is going to do to me... but I know I'll be ok. I know I will. I'm just having a hard time leaving her behind. She knows I'll call her and update her almost every day lol
Alright. I know this is abrupt, but I really should get back to my studying... at least I'm not wasting time on Facebook right?! hahaha g'night all!!
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