Why is it that when everything seems so perfect, it crashes out of control in a heartbeat. I wrote a previous blog about how life changes faster than a heartbeat... and now I'm seeing it again... for one of my dearest friends. She is the type of person who is never NOT smiling. EVER. No matter what she is going through, she is smiling and helping others. She's such an example to me. Everything was going so well for her and her boyfriend (or so she thought), she had a great time with him when she drove all the way up to Idaho to see him for the weekend, and then... 3 days later, he all of a sudden needs a break and tells her not to call him. For 2 days, she sat in silence. Freaked out. Going through E XACTLY what I had g one through with Wes. It's a HORRIBLE feeling knowing that the end is coming, and no matter what you do, you can't stop it. It's awful. I was up with her until well after 1:30 am last night trying to make sure she was ok. My heart ACHES for her, especially because my wound is still SO fresh and I know exactly what she's feeling right now. What's even crazier... is that it seems that everything has happened exactly the way my breakup did... and her boyfriend is really good friends with Wes....... did this happen by chance?? I'm not sure.......
So many things happened this past weekend and I felt that my confusion had been lifted. I was enlightened, taught, and comforted. It was exhuasting!! I had gone to the Temple Friday night after not having gone in a VERY long time. I cried through practically the entire session because I was soo exhausted and frustrated that I didn't know what to do with my life. What step I should take next... should I contact Wes after he had sent me that text message... should I just let it be and forget him-even though I knew that wouldn't happen... I just didn't know what to do. I had realized how lost I really was, so for the first time since the breakup, I really prayed... really furvrently and humbly prayed to my Heavenly Father. I'm not the type of person who will ask for help... even from my Heavenly Father. It makes me feel weak, and I feel that when I do finally have the strength to turn to Him, then I have reached my ultimate low. I have no where else to run to or turn to... and I think, that this is when I'm the most humble and my prayers mean more to me in a way, because I'm finally accepting that I can't do it on my own anymore.
As I drove home, my heart ached and the tears wouldn't stop. I had been holding back soo much through the session, and throughout the week, that I was finally letting it all out. Once I had calmed down, I began to realize that the thoughts that had been pressing on my mind that entire week, were the answers to my prayers. I felt, at the time, that the next step I needed to take was to contact Wes again. Whether it was so that I could get closure, or to help him... I don't know. But I knew that that was what I needed to do. So I did. When I got home, I read a message from his mom (we had been talking since Friday morning and she was helping me) and everything became so clear. So CRYSTAL clear of what I needed to do. I wrote a text, "Hey", and sat and stared at it and evaluated and prayed about how I felt about sending the text... it felt good, and it felt right... so I sent it.... And I never heard back from him. ????? WHAT?!?!?
Saturday night, we had a Branch game night at a friend's house and my dear friend as previously mentioned, came and we were able to finally catch up. I had texted her Thursday night this past week just in tears because I was so lost and confused as to what to do about responding or not responding to Wes's text. I was quickly realizing how much I loved him, and still cared about him and that I wanted him back in my life... however, those thoughts scared me because for the past 3 weeks, I had wanted nothing to do with him... at all. And now, all of a sudden... that was changing?!? I was so confused Thursday. So I sent her a text, and she was dealing with her problems, but Saturday night told me that when she had finally gotten my text later that night, she had also gotten a text from Wes asking if she had heard from me-that he had sent me a text and hadn't heard back from me and didn't know what was going on.... both of our texts (Wes's and I's) had been sent to her within a MINUTE of each other.... I was completely SHOCKED when she told me. Here he was... trying, in a round-about way to get in touch with me, or to find out what was going on.... at the exact moment that I was struggling sooo much. Again... was this all by chance?!?!
It has been one craaaaaaazy weekend. By. Far.
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